The Cullens introduce: What to do on a boring Day
by Crazy-dreamz
Summary: Bella is staying over at the Cullens for the Week. Alice becomes bored and so the War of Truth or Dare begins...
1. Bored

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Alice POV:**

I let out a frustrated growl. I already bought everything from the Louis Vuitton online shop and the shop closes at 3:00pm on Saturdays. Damn human's inability to sleep. I sigh and turn off the computer. I have _nothing _left to do, I bought outfits for everyone and I'm really bored now….I must think of a plan. Bella is staying over this week so we can basically do anything. Let me consult my ideas….twister? Nope Bella can't play….Baseball? Nope, it's not raining….Wii? The boys hog it….oh I have it! Oh no, Edward can hear me…Cover my thoughts, cover my thoughts-_I've got my sight set on you and I'm ready to wait, I have a heart that will, never be tame…._

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW **Ten minutes later**

I sit in the lounge room and yell so that Bella could hear;

"Listen people, stop making out with each other, stop fixing your hair, stop reading about the war that you were in and stop…stop being Emmett."

I hear sighs and grumbles from around the house.

"Take a seat" I say excitedly. They all sit down warily and I begin.

"I have decided that instead of doing whatever you were doing today, we are all going to play…TRUTH OR DARE!" and they all start to argue.

"We are not playing truth or dare. Last time Carlisle nearly killed us!" Jasper muttered angrily

"And we all have things to do…like Bella and Edward"

Emmett said with an evil smirk. Edward looked like he was about to kick a guy where the sun no shine. Bella was blushing crimson.

"I knew you guys were going to say no." I said sadly. No one looked like they cared, not even Jasper. They are in for it.

"…..so I gave myself the liberty to hold a fundamental object from all of you hostage…." They looked stricken.

"jasper, I'm keeping your war book, Rosalie- Your favourite Prada shoes, Emmett-your game boy, Edward-all of your CDs and don't think I forgot about you Bella: I have your Jane Austen collection. All of it." Bella looked like she was going to faint.

"WHAT? MY CDS? MY FREAKIN PRADA SHOES!!!! MY HELPLESS GAMEBOY? WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL???" hahaha…success.

"Wait, if we play the game, will you give all of our stuff back?" Bella asked desperately yet calmly.

"Yep" I nodded

"Fine, I'm in" she stated. Now Edward _has_ to go in!

"I don't _have_ to Alice….well scratch that, yeah I do." He looked defeated "I'm in." he sighed.

"You're one freakin annoying pixie. You know that? Fine I'm in… and I'm gonna win!" Rosalie slapped him across the head.

"You don't really give me a choice…..let me play this stupid, childish game." Stated a very angry Rose.

"That's the spirit!"

"Al, honey….can I be referee?" Jasper asked innocently with wide eyes.

"No." I shook my head

"Please?" he did puppy dog eyes….he is soo evil.

"No is no. be a man!" he sighed and almost deflated like a balloon.

"Sting" Emmett snickered, earning a glare from Jazz.

"Come on guys! This is gonna be fun!"

I heard a round of cheerless yeah's and of course it will be's.

"Oh, and we have rules and they are:"

***you can't pick the person who picked you**

*** Bella's dare cannot be dangerous**

***you must answer all questions truthfully **

***must do the dare no matter what**

"Alright, now that we are ready, who goes first?" Bella questioned

"Well, because you asked, you can go first." I said with a smile

"Ok…." Said Bella uncertainly

**Bella POV:**

Ok, ok, ok…who do I choose? Rosalie will eat me. Alice will see the future. Emmett will get me back somehow…I can't do anything to Edward, so that leaves me with…

"Ok….Jasper, truth or dare?"

"Dare." He said confidently. Oh, lookie here, someone thinks they are so tough…

"Jasper, I dare you to ask Eric on a date."

He blinked

"Oh, and you must give him a good night kiss." I added as an after thought

"HAHA- you have to -HAHA- makeout with ERIC! Whoa Bells, I never thought you had it in you!" Emmett looked like he could have tears in his eyes if that was possible.

"NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MAKING OUT EMMETT!" jasper looked like he was going to rip Emmett's head off.

"Who are you and what have you done with Bella?" Edward looked shocked, but there was humor in his eyes.

"Did you really think I was the sweet, fragile human that had no evil in her?" I asked innocently. He laughed.

"Well at least you get to explore your sexuality Jazz, anyway, you-"she pointed to Jasper "come with me and I will get your date clothes ready." Then she squealed.

"Ok people." I whispered uselessly. "I'm going to make a list of things he has to do- any ideas?"

"He has to hold his hand when they walk" volunteered Emmett excitedly

"Ok. What else…oh, he has to actually _eat_ the food at the restaurant." That will be funny to watch.…

"Great idea, now how about kissing?" asked Edward

"He has to kiss Eric whenever Eric tries/asks to." Rosalie said "no matter what kiss he wants." She added as afterthought.

I cringed at the mental image of Jasper and Eric tonight. "Ok the list is good enough, Edward could you book the place now, please?" he nodded and smiled.

**Jasper POV:**

As I walked down the stairs, Bella gave me a piece of paper.

"During the date you must do all of these things and follow these rules, don't do a task and you will fail resulting in having a double date with Jessica, Lauren and Tyler. Understand?" I have never seen Bella so evil…

"ok." I will admit to myself I am quite scared now. I opened the folded piece of paper and it read;

JASPER HALE:

_Tonight, you (Jasper Hale) will be going on a date with Eric Yorkie, you must abide by all the rules and complete each task. If not you will fail and be less of a man. If that's not bad enough you will have to go on a double date with Jessica and Mike and your partner will be either Lauren or Tyler or coach Clapp. You have a choice, do not fail._

**Rules you must abide by:**

***you must hold his hand when walking **

*** You must actually eat the food you have on your plate. **_**All of it.**_

***you must answer all personal questions truthfully.**

***you must kiss him goodnight**

***if Eric leans in for a kiss, asks for a kiss or kisses you, no matter the type of kiss, you must kiss him back in the same fashion.**

***you cannot tell him it is a dare.**

_Abide by all these rules you will pass. Good luck._

……………God help me.

-Song belongs to Miley Cyrus- see you again.


	2. Jasper's date

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Jasper POV:**

"Ok, I'm going to get the phone now and you have to call Eric." Said Bella.

As she left everyone was staring at me and snickering. I might just die….if that was even possible. Ok, ok, ok….distract myself….I am a vampire, I should be fearless! Come on Jasper, it's alright- people on T.V do this all the time, I shouldn't care-

"Here you go.' Bella handed me the phone and a piece of paper. It read:

**Time: 7:00**

**Place: Alfredo's own Restaurant**

"The booking was placed under Hale, got it?" said Edward with a smirk.

"I. Hate. You." I framed each word with a full stop for the angry-jasper effect.

I punched in Eric's number and took a deep breath.

"Hello?" oh crap…I thought he would be sleeping.

"Hi this Jasper Hale." I said in a defeated tone.

"Oh...hi jasper, what's up?" he sounded wary and excited at the same time.

"Oh….you know…" I will admit I was stalling. Then it was confirmed by the other's when Emmett held up a sign that said in capitals:

STOP STALLING.

"Um…..No, I actually don't really know…." Jeez, point to Eric for making this less awkward.

"I was wondering…if you would like to come on a date with me." Please be straight, please like Bella, please be straight….

"SHUT UP JASPER!" Edward yelled madly. Yep I got the prude annoyed.

"IM NOT A PRUDE!" he shouted back angrily. He then kissed Bella with as much passion as he could muster in a time when he is ticked off…..it wasn't much.

"Did he answer…or doesn't he want to go out with you jasper?" Rosalie asked in an innocent tone. I ignored the sugar-topped insult because I don't think I actually got _any_ answer from him.

"Hello?" I warily spoke up.

No answer.

"Hello? Eric are you there?" did he just…..faint?

"OF COURSE I'LL COME WITH YOU….I KNEW YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME FROM THE FIRST TIME WE WERE IN GYM CLASS TOGETHER!" ……oh god.

"Umm….ok I'll pick you up around seven." I said in the most up-beat tone I could manage.

I then put the phone down and took a deep breath before it started. 3…2…1…

"HAHAHA- Are you going to get him roses for your confessed love to him? - HAHAHA" Bella giggled.

"Yeah and you _can't _forget heart shaped chocolates!!!" sniggered Rosalie.

"I suggest you feed him the chocolate." Edward said with a chuckle

"HAHAHAHA- JASPER IS GOING TO MAKEOUT WITH A GUY!!! HAHAHAHAHA- I ONCE DREAMED THAT!" Emmett bellowed and gasped for the air he did not need.

"Emmett, you can't _dream_…or even _sleep_ for that matter." Stated the logical Edward.

"DON'T RUIN MY NON-EXISTANT DREAMS! I HAVE FEELINGS AS WELL!" we all gave him a blank look.

"Anyway, instead of arguing about the dreams we cannot dream, let's get into the car and do this thing." I said

"Wow! Someone is eager. Alice, I think you have some competition…" retorted Rosalie. Mr. Jasper is angry now….

"I AM NOT EAGER! I WANT TO GET THIS CHILDISH, IDIOTIC DARE OUT OF THE WAY AND SEE THE PERSON _I _DARE GO THROUGH ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT OR EVEN POSSIBLY PAIN, and Alice, honey, there is no and never will be any competition because I love you so much.

"Awwww, I love you as well Jazzy but stop being bi-polar and get into the car." Then she pecked me on the cheek.

I sighed and made my way to the car.

**EMMETT POV:**

"Did you put the camera in Jazz-man's car?" I asked Edward. He nodded.

We were all in my jeep watching jasper ring the doorbell of Eric's house. The door opened and out came Eric wearing a huge smile.

"Hi jazz!" jasper visibly flinched at his nickname.

"Hi….ah…Eric." he looks like he is in pain….hahaha

"I am just soo excited that you have finally asked me out….and to thank you I just want to give you this…."

We all braced ourselves in the car and Jasper looked like he wanted to cry. Eric leaned forward and planted a big, sloppy, boyish kiss on his cheek. Jasper looked he was going to run under a rock and dunk his head in pine-O-clean several times.

"Thank…..you…..so……much……" jasper said through his teeth.

That made all of us break into laughter. Bella smiled evilly.

Jasper then roughly grabbed Eric's hand and lead him to the front seat.

As he got into his car we turned on the T.V and watched what was happening through the camera we put in there. Eric got frustrated that they were not talking so he asked:

"Why did you get with Alice anyway? I know, deep down inside of your heart you have always loved Me." we all laughed at Jasper's distressed facial expression.

"It's alright jasper….your allowed to love Me." he said breathlessly, and then he even trailed his hand against Jasper's _leg_. Was he trying to be seductive? _I_ even find that repulsive. Jasper was gagging.

"Ohh….Jasper, honey, are you alright?" Eric tried to feel jasper's forehead but jasper moved out of the way.

"No, no- it's fine…just a…um…hairball." He quickly interjected.

"Did he just say….HAHAHAHAHAHA........Maybe that's why Alice's hair is so short!?" I am having the time of my never ending life

"Emmett, that's not even funny, apologize to me now." Said a hurt Alice.

"Ohhhhhhhh….but it's so funny!" I begged

"Say it or lose it" she said as she held up my beloved Gameboy….she wouldn't

"You wouldn't." I said evenly

"Oh, yes I would" she said flatly as she held it outside her window

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Come on Al, let's not crazy here." I laughed in my mind at my disguised joke and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Thank you." She simply said.

By then we had already arrived at the restaurant and Jasper and Eric were seated. The waiter came and by the unbelievably funny consequence, he was gay as well. Eric ordered a small vegetarian pizza while Jasper ordered a salad.

"Jazzy-bum, why are you getting a salad? You don't need to lose weight! I do, but you don't!" Inquired Eric.

"I'm not that hungry tonight." He looked a bit queasy….hahaha- suffer!!!

"Oh, ok"

After about fifteen minutes of awkward silence the food came and Jasper looked at it in anguish. This is gonna get good….

"Hey jazz, can I try some of yours? You can try some of mine if you like…" jasper looked like he had won the Nobel Prize.

Damn that hungry adolescent.

"Of course you can cupcake! In fact- have it all!" jasper all but shouted.

Eric looked surprised at his sudden out-burst but gladly ate the disgusting food. He asked question about jasper's favourite things but he only got one syllable answers.

"Did he pass the 'you have to eat the food' rule?" I asked Bella

"Well…he did look like he was going to eat it….so yeah." Bella said as she concentrated on the mini T.V.

Damn once again.

**Jasper POV: **

I will kill Bella for this, and I will kill Edward- well, re-kill him technically- for not dazzling her when I needed it! I mean, he even trailed his hand up my….leg. Gulp. Ok, so, I have 24 minutes left until I can go home…think Jasper, think. If I was a human right now I would go to the toilet to escape this torture, hang on…_he thinks I'm human. _But then I will fail the dare and have to go on _another _date, wait, I have done everything on the list, well except the food but he_ wanted _it so it's classified as finished. All I have to do is Kiss him goodnight. I will say I feel sick and need to go to the hospital, ok, good.

"So I was like, wh-" "Hey, I'm actually feeling a bit sick…I'm just going to the bathroom, ok?" I asked innocently. Ok all I need to do is just kiss him.

"Oh, ok." He said. Ok, pretend he is my beautiful Alice. I took a look at his face.

**He does not look like Alice.**

Well, if I kiss him, I can go. Here goes nothing….I lean over and kiss his oily, acne-filled cheek.

"Oh, jazzy!" he giggles loudly. Eww.

I turn around and bolt for the Male toilets. As soon as I get there, I grab the disinfectant that I put in my pocket before and rub it all over my face. I leave it on my face to dry and hopefully it will disinfect more when it's dry. I see a window in my peripheral vision and decide to squeeze myself through it. I all but shatter the glass through my need of getting out. One more leg on the ground and….HALLELUJAH! I'M FREE! I fall on my knees and kiss the ground. I rip the secret video recording badge out of my top and scream:

"I AM DONE! I HAVE FINISHED! GOD LOVES ME BECAUSE I GOT OUT ALIVE!!"

I realize that people are staring and so I put it down and bolt to my car. I drive home and ponder what sort of disinfectant I should use in the car.

? Nahh too orangey…..Die-Germ? A bit strong….ohhhh, I have it! 'Strawberry-Power!'……..perfect balance of germ-killing chemicals and sweet strawberry fragrance. I can finally relax.

I get home and find everyone on the couch waiting in both fear and anticipation for the next dare.

"No comments on my dare or you will be chosen by angry Jasper….." I calmly say.

Silence.

"Good, now, Rosalie, Truth or dare?" I ask


	3. Dog Food

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Rosalie's POV:**

Damn him. Damn him to where all bad clothes go and die. I have no choice but to choose…

"Dare." My hair is soo going to get wrecked.

"Ok my pretend twin…I dare you to take a bath." Jasper says innocently. I have a really bad feeling about this….

"Will this evolve nudity, drooling teens or public humiliation?" I say through my teeth.

"Absolutely none." He shakes his head. I still can't trust him…

"Edward, is he lying?" he shakes his head but I can almost feel the humour radiating off of him. By then Alice smiles wickedly.

"Come on! Let's get ready. Rose, go get ready." She says excitedly.

If anyone ends up in jail today, it's their fault

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM **five minutes later**

I put on my red billabong bikinis and walk down the corridor, but as soon as I stepped out of my room I smelt a disgusting odour, almost like human food…but _not _human food. Oh-oh. I step into the room to find them all sitting in various places in the large bathroom. Edward is holding Bella in his lap on the ground, Alice is sitting on the countertop of the sink and Emmett and Jasper are surrounding the bath-tub. The putrid smell is worse. I see cans on the floor that reminds me of Dog food cans, they better not have done what I think they have done…

"Ok Rosalie, you must do this dare no matter what." Jasper declared and then moved out of the way to reveal a bath tub full of…..DOG FOOD!!!!

"NO FREAKIN WAY! I REFUSE TO SIT IN A BATH FULL OF FREAKIN DOG FOOD!" I screech.

"You have to Rosie baby, it's the dare." Emmett stupidly points out. I lunge for him, he looks sincerely petrified.

"DOES TAKING AWAY A WOMAN'S VIRTUE SOUND LIKE A NORMAL DARE? _DOES IT?" _I roar while shaking his shoulders. He pries away my fingertips that are digging into him and soothingly says;

"It's not taking away your virtue; it's just sitting in a bath full of dog-food."

"I will do this most low-grade dare, but I warn that you will _all _be begging for mercy when I finish with you." I say tranquilly. Everyone laughs but Emmett looks like I just killed a puppy.

I cautiously get into the beef-and-vegetable dog-food filled bath and feel the slimy goo all over me.

"THIS IS BLOODY DISGUISTING!" I menancily yell.

"Now you have to stay in there for five minutes or you can dunk your head in and finish the dare, you choose." Jasper says cheerfully.

"I'M GOING TO CASTRATE YOU WITH A SPOON!" I screech. He just smiles stupidly while everyone else topples with laughter.

"Go on Rosalie, the clocks ticking…."

"Watch your back Jasper." I say menancily

I take a deep breath and lower my head, the dog food is all gooey and slimy but once I dunk my head in the goo, I'm done. I take another deep breath and dunk my head.

Oh my God…..

I quickly get out of the tub and snatch the towel from Alice's hands. They are going to pay….

"Emmett, I need a hug…" I say sadly

"Rosie baby, you stink, have a shower first." He says weakly.

"No, I want a hug!" I say with a wicked grin. I pull him near the bath and push him in.

SPLASH!

Everyone is covered with a layer of slimy, glistering goo. Suckers…

"EAT MY DUST!" I yell before bolting to my shower. I hear a round of squeals and shouts.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL??? ARRRGGHH!! YOU'RE AN UNGRACEFULL LOSER, ROSALIE!" now I'm not the only one that smells like a dog. Hahaha….suckers. I need to plan who I'm going to dare…..well, actually, I'm choosing Alice and by the time I'm done with her, she will be begging on her knees. I really need evil cue music now….


	4. miss Mintybreath

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Alice POV:**

As soon as I put on my post-dog-food outfit, I go and sit down in the lounge room. That dare was really funny, but I know whoever Rosalie chooses will die with something as unpleasant as gastro. Rosalie keeps on switching her decisions…that can't be good. I spend the next five minutes playing a memory game in my head with clothes instead of cards to distract myself when everyone starts filing into the lounge-room. They all take a seat and Rosalie starts.

"Ok, so it's my turn." She nods to herself "Alice, Truth or dare?"

Knew it.

"Dare. I am so totally game." But as soon as I say that one little word, I have vision.

I am standing in the middle of the shopping center, dressed up as a tube of toothpaste and seem to be yelling at the top of my lungs…..crap.

"Actually, I choose truth, nothings better than truth, is there?" I try to get an answer from Jasper.

"_Is there_?" I say once more. Jasper looks scared….

"Uh-uh-uh- no changing my little darling sister, you choose dare and you will do the dare!" Rosalie said sweetly. Plan B. Pixie domination.

"But Rosalie…I-I thought you loved me…" I trailed off in a small voice.

"Alice, you must dress up as a tube of toothpaste, go into the Food-court, Do anything to annoy and make people not buy anything from the junk food stores and throw tubes of toothpaste while doing all of this."

She seemed unaffected with my cute voice! By now everyone else was laughing. I have to bring out the big guns now….

"What happened to all of the times I gave you m-makeovers? Or when I bought you Gucci bags? GUCCI BAGS?" I said with a trembling lip and wide puppy dog eyes…

"Stop looking constipated Alice, and put on the toothpaste costume." She said in a flat voice.

HOW DARE SHE?? SHE SHOULD BE CRUMBLING LIKE A COOKIE BY NOW…

"You're a selfish wanabe Posh spice!" I said before getting up and walking up the stairs. I got the satisfaction of seeing her eyes blaze. Hehehe

**Bella POV:**

I can't believe the dares so far, Jasper going on a date with Eric, Rosalie having a bath in Dog-food and now this! I am kinda worrying about my dare…and I say dare because I don't really want to be the first one to pick truth…

It took Alice five minutes before she came down the stairs with a satisfied Rosalie in front of her. As soon as everyone could see her, there were roars of laughter. I felt bad…but it was really a sight.

Alice was dressed up as a realistic looking toothpaste tube, called 'Minty-Breath' and a label saying 'cool mint with a zest of fruit-o-luscious flavor. She was carrying a basket full of mini toothpastes....this was going to be hilarious…..

"What other flavous do you come in Alice? Midget delight? Pixie revolution? Hypo cherry?" Emmett was holding his sides while he insulted a very angry Alice….

"Actually Emmett," she snapped "I also come in a flavor called 'Alice-is-angry' and the little picture is of me putting pins in your eyes." That made everyone cry out with more laughter.

"Ok, so you know what to do?" Alice sighed then nodded

"I have to go into the food-court, corrupt all junk-food business, make everyone turn vegetarian and make them use my toothpaste brand." She said in one breath. We all nodded but Emmett stared blankly at her.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "I. Need. To. Act. Stupid. Have I dumified it enough for you?" she said with a roll of her topaz eyes.

"Ohhhhhh…..hahaha, I get it now!" Emmett looked over thrilled.

"Come on my darling little angry Alice, let's go turn people vegetarian." Jasper said soothingly. Miraculously, she stood up and angrily walked towards the car.

"Do we actually have to _stay _with her while she corrupts the junk-food chain stores?" I ask Edward a bit nervously…

"Bella, love, don't worry." Then he chuckled "_No-one, _will be staring at us because we will be going undercover as normal people eating in the normal crowd." Then he kissed my cheek.

"Oh thank goodness, but still, poor Alice…" I said thankfully. Edward just chuckled once more.

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW **at the Mall**

We walk five meters behind Alice as we head for the food-court. People, surprisingly, are not paying her much attention. Alice looked both relieved and a bit insulted. As we pass lingerie store Emmett looks like he's deep in thought….which is very unusual. For Emmett.

"Why do girl's get shops made especially for them and guys don't? He questions sounding almost outraged.

"Oh God, Emmett." Edward mutters

"Well do you have boobs Emmett?" Rosalie snaps

"Uh-no, but-"he gets cut off by Rosalie saying;

"Well, you don't need a bra which indicates you're in no need of a lingerie store." She finishes flatly.

"Well, what about other stores?" he persists... Edward rolls his eyes. This might get ugly…

"Ok Emmett, what is something you need that a female doesn't, and you can't say anything that is bought at the chemist." She hisses

"Well…umm…." He stalls

"Just as I thought. Now this is the end of this conversation. Full stop." Rosalie snaps. Emmett looks defeated. We pass a Pet shop when Emmett suddenly exclaims:

"OH MY GOD!!! A PET SHOP! CAN WE GO IN? CAN WE GO IN? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, WITH AN EMMETT ON TOP?" he yells and jumps up and down like a six-year-old.

"EMMETT!" Rose snaps. "Stop acting like a seven-year-old and act like the 100 year old vampire you are!" she whispers angrily

"SO ARE WE GOING IN?" he loudly asks

"No Emmet, we are not going in and we are not buying a puppy called Chow." Edwards explains with a shake of his head.

"Wh-wh-what? What do you mean?" he_ looks _like a lost puppy.

"NO. DOG." Rosalie confirms. "You have that filthy Jacob/Dog for that." She adds.

"NEVER!!!" Emmett yells over his shoulder as he bolts for the pet shop. As he broke free from Rosalie's grasp, His t-shirt ripped off so he looks like a person admitted to a crazy ward.

"HAHAHAHA, I'M GONNA GET MY PUPPY-YUPPY AND THEN I'M GONNA KISS HIM AND MAKE ALICE DRESS HIM UP AS A BUMBLE BEE AND…." His voice trails off as he runs into the store

"EMMETT CULLEN, IF YOU DO NOT COME HERE…." Rosalie's voice also trails off as she runs after him.

"Man, he has to get a hold of himself. Rosalie is killing me with her anger…" Jasper's statement makes me laugh until it hurts. Edward just rolls his eyes and says;

"And I have to live with that for the rest of my very long-"

He receives a look from me.

"-but happy life of mine." he tentatively corrects himself. I smile and he lets out a breath.

"Come on people; let's go see my wife make a fool of herself." Jasper then sighs.

We finally see the food-court and we take a seat. We wait until Rosalie and Emmett come. As soon as they do, Rosalie looks annoyed and Emmett looks broken.

"I got a stupid top instead of a puppy." He states. I then notice he got a new top.

"Now repeat what I said before, Emmett." Rosalie requests.

"I, Emmett Cullen, Promise not to run away from the family again. I promise not to give Alice a heart attack because I break my clothes and I promise to act like the adult that I am." He recites sadly.

"And if you do anything bad you will?"

"I will get all my toys taken off of me. My Gameboy, My Wii, my fur-real kitten, my Elmo chair, my Tamagotchi, My Nintendo DS and all my games. I will also be forced to stay with Signor. Edwardo for a week and listen to his bad music." Emmett recites once again.

"Good boy." Rosalie says as she pats his head

"You have an Elmo chair?" jasper asks while laughing

Emmett stares at him blankly "of course I do, don't you?" he looks genuinely surprised. Jasper sighs.

"First of all, don't call me Signor Edwardo or Edwardo and secondly- I don't have bad music! It's better than your Spice girl and Hannah Montana music!" Edward says bitingly.

"My music is cool, ok?" Emmett retorts

"No it isn't. It's annoying and generic." Edward snaps

"Jeez, people. Alice is waiting for us to give her the signal to start." Jasper reminds us.

"We all huddle around the microphone and give Alice the signal.

**Alice POV:**

They give me the signal to start. Here goes nothing…

I walk to where McDonalds is and push to the front of the orders. I hear a round of 'watch its' and 'heys' and 'what the?' I ignore them as I move to the front. I climb up on the counter and scream;

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MY FRIENDS?"

"We are buying food!" someone yells out.

"WELL THINK WHAT YOU'RE _REALLY _BUYING! WHAT ABOUT THE POOR, POOR FURRY ANIMALS THAT HAVE BEEN CHOPPED IN HALF FOR YOUR STOMACHS!" I try to put sadness in my voice.

"CHCIKEN'S DON'T HAVE FUR" someone else yells out.

I start walking along the counter and grab out my handy microphone. Most of the food-court is looking my way by now.

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKED TO BE FED HORMONES FOR A FEW MONTHS, THEN BEING KILLED AND THEN BEING FRIED AND SEASONED WITH CHILLI SAUCE? HA? HOW WOULD YOU _LIKE_ IT?"

I jump off the counter and run on a table full of teens.

"YOU THERE." I point to a girl with blonde hair.

"WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" I ask

"Um….a burger and fries?" she says uncertainly

"DID YOU JUST QUESTION WHAT YOU WERE EATING?" I don't give her a chance to respond

"PEOPLE ALL OVER THE FOOD-COURT, I BEG YOU TO NOT EAT FAST-FOOD! I BEG YOU TO THINK OF THE CHICKENS! I BEG YOU TO THINK OF THE SWEET, INNOCENT COWS THAT ARE KILLED FOR YOUR SICKENING BURGERS! AND I ALSO ASK YOU TO THINK OF THE HARMLESS, TINY POTATOES THAT ARE BRUTALLY MASHED UP FOR THE COLESTORAL-FULL CHIPS YOU EAT."

Some people throw their food in the bins while others are waiting for me to finish.

"PEOPLE, LET US UNITE! THROW OUT YOUR FOOD AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH MINTY-BREATH!"

"GO TOOTH-BRUSH LADY!" the crowd shouts

People are now out of control, the angry mob is barging into the fast-food stores and the others are cheering. I sprinkle the mini tooth-pastes to all the little kids and bolt to the Jeep where the group is waiting. All I can say is……I ROCK!!

As I take a seat they group looks at me with wide eyes.

"I can't believe people actually listened to you…." Edward whispers.

I smirk and say "Well, I do look good as a tube of tooth-paste." Everyone cracks up. Now I just have to think of whom to dare….Oh-no, Edward can hear me! _Cover my thoughts, cover my thought….I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick…._

Edward sighs and turns his attention to Bella. Hahaha……the next person is personally going to get it.

a.n- What did you think? If anyone has a truth or dare for a character and would like to share it, you're more than welcome.

Song belongs to Katy Perry.


	5. hypo

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Bella POV:**

We all arrive home and sit in the lounge-room once again to wait for Alice to get dressed into something normal. Edward is playing with a lock of my hair to distract himself of Alice's mind-singing. I'm really jittery, I could be next…

Alice walks down the stairs and stands in front of everyone. She has an evil glint in her eyes that make me want to shudder.

"ok everyone, so far we have had a date, a public display of humiliation and some dog-food….Now it's my turn." She has a poker face on now.

"BELLA." She abruptly yells. Gulp.

"y-yes?" I say, my voice oozing with fear,

"truth or dare?" she says wickedly

Ok, think Bella. Truth can be embarrassing….with most likely future innuendoes, while dare can be dangerous…..

I choose dare.

"dare." I say fearfully

She cackles wildly…what have I done…..

"alright Bella, I'll be right back!" she dashes to the kitchen.

"oh god….what have I done Edward?" I whisper

"you have unleashed the child of evil…." He says sadly

"maybe she will make you walk in stilts for the rest of the night!!" Emmett looked excited and hopeful.

"WHAT? No, she will trip and break her neck you idiot!" Edward looked mad

"but it will be fuuuunnny….." Emmett then trailed off because of a look Edward gave him. It then was followed by silence. Which didn't last very long.

"Do you think that snails ever get lonely?" Emmett asked with sympathy.

We all gave him a blank look.

"Why would snails get lonely, Emmett?" Jasper replied

"Because they are alone in their shells….and they have no company it there…" He trailed off when Rosalie shot him an annoyed glare.

"Emmett, I sincerely believe that you _don't _know that no-one cares so I'm going to confirm it for you. NO ONE CARES!" She yelled across the couch.

"fine. Be selfish." He retorted with a roll of his eyes.

"I'm not being selfish, I want to finish this day's last dare so Bella could sleep and I could disinfect my hair." She said angrily.

"OK! READY GUYS!" Alice had just arrived carrying a bag of something.

"Now Bella, grab one thing out of the bag and eat it." She said happily. Oh-no.

I stuck my hand in there and pulled out the object. I then looked at it blankly.

Sour worms? What could they d….._Oh-No_.

"Alice, she is not eating anything with high amounts of sugar. At all. She could hurt herself." Edward said firmly.

"A dare is a dare, Edward. At least she doesn't smell like freaken dog-food still!" Rosalie looked murderous.

"Edward, a dare _is _a dare. I have to do it…just please don't make me do anything stupid. Ok?"

"you are not eating anything with high amounts of sugar and that's final." He tried to say angrily.

Before he got the chance to say anything else, I ripped the bag, and poured the contents into my mouth. Wow, I haven't had these in so long. There's even pineapple flavor now.

"Give me more!" I said hungrily.

"Looks like plan hypo Bella is in place!" Emmett said with an excited smile.

"No. More." Edward said. I'm soo not having that.

"Yes. MORE!" Then Alice handed me the bag and I devoured through three packets of gummy bears in a matter of seconds.

That must be a world record!!!!

"WOWTHERESAPPLE/RASPBERRYFLAVOURNOW!!!" I said excitedly.

Edward turned to Alice and exasperatingly said; "what have you done?"

**Jasper POV:**

Alice then got Bella a drink because she said she was thirsty. When she came back, she handed the glass to Bella. Bella took a sip and then did something none of us were expecting.

She got the glass of cold water and _poured it over Edwards head._

Everyone stared at her in shock. Edward looked at her in horror.

"Never say that again, Eddie." She said crossly

"say what?" Edward looked hurt and confused.

"say that I don't have vampire powers." Edward blinked and we all cracked up.

"First: I never said that. Second: you _don't _have super powers. Third: don't call me Eddie please." He then did puppy-dog eyes.

"Edward, your puppy dog eyes ARE NOT WORKING! HAHAHAHA!"

Edward looked taken aback. Hahaha….sucker

"I heard that, and she isn't really in a state of proper mind, Jasper." Edward retorted.

"I_ DO_ have super powers and I'll prove it to you by running at vampire speed!" Bella declared. This would be interesting.

"BUT FIRST I NEED MY HANDY SOUR GUMMY PEOPLE FIRST!" she seemed like she didn't notice the loudness of her voice. She snatched a packet of gummy people from the box and devoured it in the matter of seconds.

"TO THE NEVER-ENDING INFINITY, AND BEYOND!" she screamed

She started to run around the lounge room in a super-hero pose. This can't end well, but everyone seemed to ignore that logical thought. Edward was feeling a strong sense of fear.

"BELLA, LOVE COME BACK! I'LL GIVE YOU COOKIES IF YOU JUST…." His voice faded away as he carefully ran after Bella.

"COOKIES ARE EVIL!! NEVER!" she shouted over her shoulder.

We all then followed after them into the kitchen. We saw Edward trying to corner Bella while she was holding a bottle of fizzy-drink. I don't get how humans can like that disgusting stuff….

"Bella darling, please put the bottle down and then I'll give you whatever you want…." Edward soothingly said.

She wasn't having that.

"FINE. YOU CAN HAVE THE STUPID BOTTLE!" she yelled. She then unexpectedly threw it at his Edward's head, but as he ducked, it hit the sink and broke off the tap. Water was spraying EVERYWHERE!

"HAHAHAHA……EDDIE JUST GOT BURNT!" Emmett yelled in glee while pointing at the flabbergasted Edward.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Bella cackled wickedly as she ran away. _Again_.

"I'm going to kill you Alice." Edward seethed

"I love you too!" Alice said happily

"Bella, please come back…." Edward shouted

"I_ really_ like hypo Bella." Rosalie stated

"Esme is going to kill us…." I muttered. Everyone seemed to realize that the kitchen was starting to flood….

"Super-Emmett, to the rescue!!!" Emmett then pounced on the tap, bent and twisted something, and amazingly- It _stopped._

"I ROCK!" he yelled triumphantly

"…and I believe that the super-hero deserves a kiss from somebody…" he trailed off while staring pointedly at Rosalie.

"In your dreams." She said flatly. Emmett looked really disappointed.

"you will eventually wish that you had never said that." He stated

"I don't think so."

"Come-on guys! We'll mop up while we wait for Bella to calm down." Alice said cheerfully.

This truth or dare is turning into a funny activity; I wonder what will happen next…


	6. still hypo

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Edward POV:**

Note to self; **never ever make Bella swallow anything sugar or caffeine related.** **Never.**

Once Bella threw the bottle fizzy drink at my head, she ran up the stairs and up to my room. I actually thought it would help me somehow as she couldn't die or hurt herself up there but I never expected some of the things she did.

-_Flashback:_

I found Bella jumping on my couch singing-if you could call it that-a made-up song.

"I SEE A CAT THAT'S FLAT ON YOUR MAT! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I SEE A CAT! DON'T PAT IT AS its FLAT! NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T PAT IT'S FLAT!" she screeched.

"Bella, darling, can you please stop jumping on my couch, you might harm yourself." I tried to say gently.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?" she asked in an angry voice. What do I say????

"Umm, no Bella, but can you please get down now?"

"STOP TALKING! I DIDN'T ASK YOU ANYTHING." She yelled. I truly believe she is delusional.

"GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE TOLIET, IT MIGHT MAKE YOU LESS BOSSY!" she shouted.

This sugar intake is going to take forever to wear down. What do I do, what do I-wait…..did she just tell me to stick my head in the toilet bowl??? WHAT?

"Bella if you don't get down now I am going to take away everything in this house which has even a tiny bit of sugar in it. In fact I will take away any sugar product that you have in your house!" I said angrily, and I have the right to as she is going to kill herself.

"NEVER!" she yelled as she raced to my….._CD rack. _As much as I love her……_she wouldn't._

"Bella put down the CDs and come take my hand." I said cautiously.

**Bella POV:**

"Edward you can't tell me what to do. If you want to gain my forgiveness and save your precious CDs, you will dunk your head in the toilet bowl. Now." I said matter of factly.

"No! I will not dunk my head in the toilet." He declared.

"DON'T, TEST ME!" I said through my teeth.

I have never been angry at Edward and never will be…..but it's really entertaining to watch. Say what you like….I have the excuse of being 'hypo'.

"Bella, this is utterly absurd. I will not drink toilet water."

"I never said anything about drinking toilet water Edward, but now that you nominated yourself to do it, you _will _do it." I declared.

By now everyone was crowding in the threshold and looking at me with wide eyes.

"Edward, you _will _do it and you _will_ drink the toilet water and you _will _sing Mary had a little Lamb when you have finished." I told him in a tranquil voice.

"This dare is utterly absurd, Bella. Don't you love me?" He said in a sad voice.

"These are the times that I realize that you _cannot _do puppy dog eyes, Edward. Maybe you need to take those community lessons for it." I said in an innocent tone.

"Jeez, Ediekinz. How many times have you been burnt by just Bella tonight?" Emmett bellowed.

"I believe it was four times so far, Emmett. Maybe five? I don't know…" I trailed off in an innocent tone.

"Alice, next time Bella comes over we need to buy stuff with lots of sugar." Emmett said in a serious voice.

Edward looked abashed….I am starting to feel sorry for him…..

"Don't you even think that missy!" Jasper shouted. I suddenly looked at Edward and a cackle drew from my lips.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA" I evilly cackled.

"Bella, love, don't make me do this…." Edward tried to make me melt with an intense stare…..

"Hey Edward," I asked

"Yes, love?" he looked over hopeful

"Have you ever heard of the fish and the rubbish bin?" I asked in an innocent tone.

Everybody gave me a blank stare.

"ahhh….no." Edward said in a confused voice.

"well then, let's get on with the head-dunking-in-the-toilet." I said seriously.

He turned to Alice and said:

"what did you put into that candy? Cough medicine? he said in a hopeless tone.

"no, just sugar." Alice replied.

Edward sighed and I snickered.

Wow…..I RULE!

A.n- really quick chapter


	7. Cartoon dog

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Edward POV:**

I followed Bella into the bathroom with the rest of my family snickering behind me. I truly believe that Emmett or Alice put some cough medicine or happy pills in that candy because my sweet, innocent, caring Bella would never do this to me unless she was under some sort of medication….but either way I know there is no way of getting out of this non-dare as my CDs are at risk.

Bella lead me right up to the toilet and smirked.

"Now, do you know what you have to do my dear Eddie-corn?" her sweet voice masking her evil plot.

"I have to dunk my head in the water, drink some water and then sing Mary had a little lamb." I said in a flat voice.

"Good dog." Rosalie said patting my head. I snarled.

"Bad dog!" Rosalie scolded me as if I was a dog.

"Listen dog-breath, at least I don't _smell_ like dog-food." I yelled

"YOU'RE THE ONE DRINKING _TOILET_ WATER AND SINGING A _NURSERY_ RYME!" she shouted, eyes blazing.

"Whoa, people! Calm down! Let's get on with the germification dare." Alice said

"It's not technically a _dare; _it's just to make Edward gain my forgiveness." Bella stated.

"And my CDs…" I muttered. Bella _glared _at me which made me zip it. I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE _GLARED _AT ME!

"WHERE HAS OUR LOVE GONE?" I shouted at no-one in particular.

"It's been flushed down the toilet, Edward. If you want it back, you have to search for it." Bella said in a fake-sad voice.

"DAMN YOU ARTIFICIAL SUGAR!" I shouted at the ceiling.

"Listen, Edward. Stop being a drama queen and stick your head in the toilet." Alice said. Emmett laughed. I sighed and looked down at the toilet in disgust.

The things I do for my CDs….

I kneeled down, braced myself against the bowl and started to bend my head. I really must have no soul…..

"GIVE ME AN E!" Emmett shouted

"E!" everyone shouted back.

Oh, for the love that is all holy…

"GIVE ME A D!"

"D!"

"Shut the hell up!" I said in a sing-song voice.

They ignored me.

"GIVE ME A W!"

"W!"

"Can't you see I'm already dying in disgust here, I don't need a pep rally thank you very much?" I said in annoyance

"GIVE ME an A!"

"A!"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" I yelled

"GIVE ME A…..AHHH……" Emmett trailed off.

"Can't you spell 'Edward', Emmett?" Jasper asked in a steady voice.

"OF COURSE I CAN!" He shouted

"IT'S E, D, W, A……..something…….D! He tried to spell out my name.

"Well, it doesn't really surprise me as he has an IQ of a turnip." I wryly said

Everyone else started to laugh loudly. Emmett looked like he was going to cry...if he could.

"YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO FEELINGS! MOST PEOPLE ARE BORN WITH THEM BUT YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY WEREN'T! GO BUY THEM ON EBAY!" He shouted.

We all stared at him blankly.

"I'M NOW GOING TO GO EAT A FEW TUBS OF ICE-CREAM, WATCH A FEW CHICK-FLICKS, BAWL MY EYES OUT AND THEN PAINT MY NAILS!" Emmett shouted.

We still all stared at him blankly.

"Emmett, you can't actually _eat _anything….." Jasper pointed out.

He then ran into his and Rosalie's room and seemed to be raiding through her wardrobe……YES! An escape route….

"Do you go want to check on him? He might dress up in Rosalie's Cheerleader Halloween costume and dance along to the Barbie girl song…" I trailed off innocently. I am a master of innocence.

"Excuse me Edward, darling, I do believe you are trying to stall or even worse….make me _forget _what you need to do right now." She accused.

"What, me?" I asked with wide eyes while pointing to my chest.

"Listen Edwina; DUNK YOUR HEAD INTO THE TOILET BOWL RIGHT NOW!" Alice screeched.

I sighed and slowly lowered my head into the bowl of water. I can't believe I'm doing this….

I quickly dunked my _whole_ head in. I decided to make everybody cringe, I might as well…

I cupped my hands and filled them with toilet water. I looked at all of them in the eyes and made loud slurping sounds.

I choked and sputtered….

"THIS IS UNBELIEVLY AND ABSURDLY THE MOST DISGUISTING THING I HAVE DONE! I LOOK LIKE THOSE DOGS IN THOSE CARTOONS!" I yelled to no-one in particular.

"Now sing the song." Bella said expectedly.

Sigh….

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow." I sang.

"Now a rap version!" said Emmett excitedly as he unexpectedly popped through the door.

"MARY HAD A LIL' LAMB IT'S FLEECE WAZ WHITE AS SNOW." I sang a bit louder.

"Now a pop version!" Alice said happily.

"Oh noo, I'm getting out of here." I said as I dashed out of the room.

I will _never_ get sucked into that again….

**Tell me what you think :)**


	8. Emmett's happiness

The Cullens introduce: what to do on a boring day

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: Crazy-dreamz:)**

**Bella POV:**

We were told to report to the lounge room in ten minutes. I had nothing to do so I sat next to Alice on the couch; she was watching some fashion runway show.

"Wait, Alice? Hasn't everyone already done a dare for the day?" I asked

"Everybody but Edward and Emmett." She said without taking her eyes off the screen.

I grinned. "Oh yeah….but I have no idea what I should make them do…" I trailed off.

"That's why you have me, duhh." She said with an obvious expression.

"Any ideas then?" I asked

She smiled. "Just a few."

"We can make them dye their blue, make them enter a talent show with Jessica, make one of them go out on a date with the administrator lady, pretend to be gay for a whole day, drive their cars over a cliff-" Alice said very, very, _very _quickly.

"Alice...wow, but, um…..I think I have a better plan." I said with an evil smirk.

Alice's eyes glazed over and I knew she was having a vision. She then blinked, rolled her eyes and sighed.

"You dare is really lame…but I think we can have some fun with it." She said.

She dashed upstairs and back in the matter of seconds and was holding a Nintendo DS in her hands. It was undoubtedly Emmett's because it had Elmo stickers all over it.

"All members, report to the lounge room." Alice called.

"We need a break!" Jasper yelled from the study.

"I need to wash my hair a few several times; I can still smell the dog food." Rosalie yelled from upstairs, her voice cracked at the end. Is she…._crying_?

"I need to….uhhh…..colour-coordinate my sock drawer." If I'm not mistaken, Emmett's voice came from the closet.

Alice rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well….I can't play truth or dare on my own….." She trailed off in a small voice.

No answer. Alice gritted her teeth.

"Oh, Bella! I just had a bad vision." She winked at me. I heard some shuffling in the closet…..

"What happened Alice?" I played along.

"I see…..a light." She said in a scared voice. Where is she going with this…..?

"Like a torch light?" She smacked her forehead with her hand.

"No…..I see a light, and all of the fundamental objects are floating around it." She said in a detached voice. Ok….she is starting to freak me out.

"O…..kay?" I gave her a weird look.

"So all of the items are floating, when all of a sudden……BANG!"

"OOF!" Her very loud voice surprised me which made me fall of the couch and hit my head against the coffee table. She ignored what had just happened and kept on speaking.

"-All the fundamental objects…._disintegrate._" She finished. We heard three doors bang open around the house.

"Three, two, one." Alice counted quietly.

"WHAT THE HELL? ALICE, STOP! CAN'T YOU FREAKIN LEAVE ME ALONE? GO BLOODY SHOP! YOU PUT ONE FINGER ON MY SHOES AND YOU WILL WISH YOU HAD DIED A LONG TIME AGO…." Alice just smiled to herself until the complaining and the death threats died down.

"……Are we done?" Alice asked calmly.

Silence.

"Good." She nodded to herself.

Everyone flopped down on the couch with irritated sighs.

"Now, I will not burn your fundamental objects if you co-operate. Bella has to choose her victim now." Alice said in a business-like fashion.

Everyone turned to me. Edward looked terrified. He should be.

"Ok, darling Edward. Your dare has two parts to it. "I said sweetly.

"Don't I get a choice? It _is _called truth _or _dare." He said with wide eyes.

I turned to Alice and said; "Alice, have you ever had any suspicions that Edward was actually _Edwina?" _I asked seriously. Alice pretended to think for a moment. Edward looked flabbergasted.

"I have had my suspicions…..especially when I caught him wearing pink eye shadow, a sparkly purple headband and very tight, light blue shorts."

"What the HELL? That was only ONCE! Jasper, Emmett and I were bored so we had a slumber party and played dress ups!" Edward shouted. He then seemed to think about what he said…..

"IT WAS JASPER AND EMMETT'S FAULT! THEY WANTED TO SEE WHAT WEARING A DRESS IS LIKE!" Edward yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DUDE? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO WEAR SPARKLY PURPLE EYESHADOW!" Jasper snapped back.

"I ACTUALLY WANTED TO WEAR PINK EYESHADOW BUT_ EMMETT _WAS HOGGING IT." Edward clarified.

"Bella, do you want popcorn?" Alice asked me.

"No thanks."

Rosalie turned to Alice and said; "Alice…..I have always known the boys had a feminine side, but not _this_ feminine."

"We have married sissy boys." Alice confirmed with a sigh.

"-YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TRIED ON ROSALIE'S RED DRESS AND _RIPPED _IT AND HAVEN'T EVER TOLD HER!" Japer yelled at Emmett. Oh…….no.

Rosalie's head snapped up and she did one of those half body turns that you only saw in movies. "_What_…………..did you do to my dress?" Rosalie said in a calm low voice.

"Nothing…..Sweetie." Emmett was shaking and looked absolutely petrified.

"Don't. Lie. To. Me." Rosalie said through her teeth. Edward and jasper had backed away and sat slowly on the couch. Their eyes held expectation. Idiots.

"I-ripped-your-dress-and-I'm-sorry-please-don't-kill-me." Emmett mumbled very quickly.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear what you just said." Rosalie was inches away from Emmett's face.

Emmett took a very deep breath and said; "I. Ripped. Your. Dress. Please. Don't. Eat. Me." whoa…I'm actually worried for his physical well-being now.

Rosalie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She then opened her eyes and everybody- (including me) - were waiting for what she would do.

"Emmett Cullen, You have broken your promise from before which means you have to move into Edward's room for three days or until you learn to behave."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Emmett yelled and stamped his foot. Jeez….what a girl.

"Oh shut-up! Stop being an idiot." Rosalie snapped.

"B-but…..I _can't_ stay with Edward. He is bo-ring and possibly gay! Do you want me to become _gay_?" Emmett whined.

"Shut UP, SHUT UP! I AM NOT GAY AND I AM NOT BORING!" Edward seemed to be very annoyed. Poor thing. Oh well.

"You think that." Alice said dismissfully. Edward glared at her.

"Ahh……guys? We _are _still playing truth or dare, and its Bella turn." Alice pointed out.

"I have nothing to live for anymore." Emmett said in a broken whisper.

"Jeez, man. Get a hold of yourself." Jasper patted Emmett shoulder.

"Umm…..ok. Well Edward, My dare has two parts. First is you must buy a dog for Emmett." I explained.

"What?" Edward asked incredulously.

"-I GET A PUPPY! I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME! I DON'T CARE THAT I HAVE TO LIVE IN EDWINA'S ROOM ANYMORE BECAUSE I WILL HAVE MY PUPPY THAT WILL HELP ME SURVIVE THE CONSTANT DEPRESSING BOREDOM!" Emmett screamed like a little kid on Christmas day.

Rosalie slumped on the couch and sighed. "This can't be good…." She whispered to herself.

"We can look at the different dogs on that Nintendogs game." Alice said.

"Yeah, OK!"

While Emmett and Alice were looking through the different dogs on the game, Edward came and sat next to me. He kissed my cheek and asked; "Does this dare involve me eating the dog?"

"Ahhh……no." I answered while hiding my laughter.

"Thank-god." He sighed.

"-What about the Dalmatian?" I heard Alice ask.

"No. Dalmatians are too spotty." Emmett said seriously. Edward sighed.

"Hey I bet that dog won't last three weeks." Jasper whispered.

"I bet a week." Edward snickered.

"I bet two days." Rosalie said through her teeth.

"I propose a bet. Three hundred dollars per bet." Jasper said.

"I'm in." Edward said.

"In." Rosalie said.

"You guys are absolute idiots…" I muttered.

"-Come _on, _Alice! I can't ride a Pomeranian." Emmett whined.

"You're not going to ride any dog. You'll squash a horse not to mention a _dog_." Alice said in an exasperated tone.

"Are you calling me FAT?" Emmett retorted.

"I never said that. I just said you can't ride on a dog!" Alice snapped.

"I can't believe you just called me fat! It's not my fault I can't lose weight." Emmett said in frustrated tone.

"Jeez, Emmett. When our brains were handed out, you took a pink balloon instead." Alice said through gritted teeth.

"Ahh…..guys? What dog have you chosen?" Jasper asked timidly.

"I have chosen a Chihuahua." Emmett declared.

"_What_? Can't you choose a dog that isn't so….aggressive?' Jasper complained.

"Chihuahuas are not aggressive."

"Well they are yappy and bi-polar." Jasper said dismissfully.

"This is my dog and I want a Chihuahua dog." Emmett said in an even tone.

Jasper sighed. "Whatever. Let's get this stupid yappy dog." He said with an annoyed expression.

"Don't call my puppy stupid!" Emmett snapped back.

"Let's go get this damn dog." Rosalie sighed.

"It's not stu-"Emmett didn't finish what he was about to say because he received a glare from Rosalie.

"Let's go!" Alice said with a smile and we were all off to the mall.

**Sorry about the wait. Hope you enjoyed it :)**

**Oh, and I really need to get the reviews back up to what I had last time, so please review!! **

**-crazy-dreamz:)**


	9. memories

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**By: crazy-dreamz:)**

**Bella POV:**

We had just arrived at the mall after a very long trip in the jeep. Emmett is acting like he is high on red cordial.

_Flashback: _

"I can't believe I'm actually getting a puppy! I am soo excited!" Emmett said in glee for the hundredth time.

"You have said that more than 23 times, Emmett. We get it ok? Your freakin happy because you're getting a dog that you will probably accidently eat." Rosalie shouted.

Emmett gasped. "I would _never_ eat my little chow. _NEVER."_

"What happens when you have eaten the whole population of bears and you're still hungry Emmett? Have you ever even though about that?" Rosalie said in frustration.

"Rose, what goes through your _brain?_ I'll put that nail-polish thing that doesn't make you bite your nails in his bath." He said in the most obvious tone before slapping his forehead.

Jasper sighed.

"Umm….Emmett? I do understand that you have an IQ of a turnip but…_seriously? _Are you _that_ stupid_?_" Edward said sarcastically.

"You're just jealous that you don't get a puppy." Emmett retorted.

"Emmett, stop being stupid."

"You know deep down inside that you want a puppy." Emmett said seriously.

"Yes, Emmett. I am jealous that I'm not getting a dog." Edward sighed.

"HA! YOUR'E NOT GETTING A PUPPY! NA-NANA-NA-NA!" Emmett teased.

"God, Emmett. It's called sarcasm." Edward said in a frustrated tone.

"Eddie's not getting a puppy!"

"Stop."

"EDDIE-TEDDY IS NOT-"

"Stop it, Emmett!"

"-GETTING-"

"Freakin STOP!"

"-A-"

"Stop IT NOW!"

"-PUPPY!"

"EMMETT, PLEASE STOP! I AM ALREADY UPSET I'M NOT GETTING A PUPPY. DON'T MAKE IT HARDER!" Edward sobbed while covering his ears with his hands.

Every turned to Edward. Emmett had stopped but had left his hands up in the air while Rosalie's eyes had popped out.

"Edward…what's wrong?" I said gently.

Edward swallowed. "I have never had a puppy….I always wanted one. A decade ago, I was hunting in the woods. Jasper and Emmett were with me. I was searching for a mountain lion and suddenly heard something rustling in the bushes. I turned around and saw a little puppy. I cautiously went up to it and instead of running away….it came up to me, wagged its tiny tail and barked." He took a deep breath.

"-I called him Edward. JR and hid him in my room for three weeks. Everything was full of colour until one day, I was out hunting again but I left him in the room for the first time by himself. Once I got back, he was……._gone_." Edward chocked and started to rock side to side. I looked around the car and saw everyone's face contorted because of their held-in laughter. I had no idea what to say.

"Edward…..its _ok-" _

"-I can still hear his innocent bark now. Ruff, ruff" Edward said in a hollow voice.

That made everyone crack up.

"HAHAHAHAHA- EDWARD-HAHAHA-ATE HIS-HAHAHAHA-DOG!" Jasper gasped.

"That is really sad, Edward." Rosalie said mockingly.

Edward just kept rocking back and forth.

"Edward?" I whispered.

No response.

"Edward?"

Still no response.

"Ahh….guys? I think something is wrong. It's like he can't hear us." I said anxiously.

"Eddiekinz?" Emmett said with a grin.

No response. All he did was rock side to side while muttering something like 'Ruff, ruff. Yes you're a pretty pup, aren't you?'

"I'll wake him up." Emmett declared.

"Eddie-pie?"

No response.

"Sexy Eddie?"

No response.

"Edwardo?"

No response.

"Edwina?"

No response.

"Eggy?"

No response.

"Hole of depression?" Jasper interjected.

"Nerd, Idiot, prude, guy with the smelly socks?" Rosalie added.

No response.

"Ehh. No biggie. I guess you're just engaged to a vegetable now, Bella." Emmett said with a dismissive flick of his hand.

"I call his Xbox!" Jasper said.

"Damn. Well I call his room; I could turn it into a playroom for Chow." Emmett stated.

"You guys are idiots! He is going to wake up, ok? I just need to do this." I yelled.

I searched through my hand bag and found a CD that said 'Classical 101'. I picked the CD up and snapped it in half. Just as soon as you heard the snap, Edward bolted up and searched wildly around the car.

"Who snapped my CD?" Edward hissed.

"Not only I got you out of a self-hate coma, but you hiss at me aswell!" I snapped.

Edward's posture relaxed and his eyes were filled with surprise and regret.

"Bella, Please forgive me. I was a fool and I thought someone else broke it because they wanted to annoy me. Please forgive me." Edward pleaded with big round eyes that were supposed to be puppy dog eyes.

"Haven't we already gone over this, Edward? If you want to do puppy-dog eyes, you need to learn to not look like a drowned cat. Haven't you been reading 'Puppy-dog eyes for dummies?" I sighed exasperatedly

Edward looked down, ashamed. "No." He mumbled.

"Well, read the book." I said.

"Ahh….Guys? In about seven seconds you will hear a police siren and we will need to stop." That was the first time Alice said anything throughout the whole car trip. Isn't ironic that it was something bad?

"Crap." Jasper sighed.

EEEEORRREEEEEEEEEEEORRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR _(police siren sound. Sorry, don't know how to type it.)_

"We can make it, just go!" Emmett rushed.

"No. Let's _try _and do the right thing." Edward sighed.

"Pull over and everything will be alright." A man's voice boomed through a megaphone.

"They're calling you, Emmett." Jasper snickered.

"I _said_ I was sorry for streaking through the police station on Halloween three years ago!" Emmett griped.

"That was one funny dare, Alice." Rosalie snorted.

"I know." Alice giggled.

"For _you, _it was. I caught one of the police dudes looking at my bum!" Emmett shivered.

"Good times. Good times." Jasper sighed contently.

We all heard a door shut and a balding man tapped on Jasper's window. Jasper rolled down the window and greeted the man.

"Good afternoon, chief."

"Afternoon."

"What is the matter Mr. Police man?" Emmett shouted from right at the back.

We all groaned.

The man shot a glance at Emmett then started to talk.

"You were speeding." He said. Not a big talker.

"I do apologize, it was only because the guy at the back has a rare disease which is very contagious and we need to get him to the hospital very quickly." Jasper said serenely. Ohh……………no.

"Uh-huh. Sure. What is this disease called exactly?" The man said sarcastically.

"It is called Emmettiongosis. EG for short." Jasper said evenly.

Everyone nodded.

"What does it do?" the police man still looked a bit wary.

"Because Emmettiongosis is very rare, not much is known about it. We only know side effects. Some of the side effects are Pale skin," The man started to study all of our faces.

"-Glossy hair," Then he looked at our hair.

"-Talking gibberish,"

"Gob, gob, gob-gob. Chip-chip. Sip-sop." Alice cackled.

"Dog-DA-DA-food-DA-DA-in-DA-DA-my-DA-DA-hair." Rosalie yelled. The man's eyes were the size of basketballs.

"-and aggressive diarrhea." Jasper finished with a small, sly grin.

We all glared at Jasper.

"Well, you need to get everyone to the hospital. Go!" The Police man instructed before fleeing to his car.

"Bye, Bye Mr. Police man." Emmett waved through the window.

"You pull anything like that one more time and I will kill you." Rosalie threatened.

"Emmetttiongosis?" Edward scoffed.

"Well, it describes him." Jasper ginned.

"You're all cruel." Emmett said in a hurt tone.

"Can we please get this dog now?" Edward sighed.

"LET'S GO!" Emmett yelled in glee once again.

_End of flashback. _

"Yay! Were here!" Emmett shouted.

"What are you going to make me do?" Edward groaned.

What did you think? So sorry for the long-time-no-update, but here it is

Happy reading, Crazy-Dreamz :)


	10. crazy women part 1

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

By: crazy-dreamz :)

**Bella's POV:**

We were in front the Pet shop and were paying for the dog. Emmett's dog was light brown in colour and really yappy.

"-and that would be $500.99" A girl with straightened brown hair said in a flirty tone. Edward handed over the money and took the receipt. With the receipt, was the girl's phone number. Edward glared at the girl and walked away.

"-and he scored!" Jasper snickered.

"Her thoughts were utterly disturbing. I need to shower." Edward said in revulsion.

Emmett was going to look for Rosalie and Alice while Jasper stayed with us. I suddenly felt so mad at Edward. He was listening to the girl's thoughts?

"When you said her thoughts were disturbing Edward, Why were you listening to them in the first place?" I inquired.

"It's quite hard _not _to listen to her thoughts, Bella." He said while pointing to his forehead.

"Well, you can ignore when guys think of me in that way but you can't ignore when women think of _you_ in that way?" I challenged. Edward looked a little wary.

"Well…I….I mean-"

"-SO you _were_ listening to her thoughts?" I said in a surprised voice.

"Like I said, I can't _not-"_

"You know you might as well go up to her and make-out with her!" I said, outraged. Jasper was staring at Edward with a humor in his eyes.

"Why are you so defensive? I only love _you_!" Edward said with wide eyes.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME _JELEOUS?" _I screeched.

"Jasper! What are you doing to her?" Edward said through his teeth.

"You always blame the quiet guy, don't you? I'm just standing here minding my own business-" Jasper said in an innocent voice.

"You like her, don't you? You think she is pretty!" I said while jabbing his chest.

"JASPER! Stop it right now, you idiot!" Edward shouted.

"I am soo sick of you! You know what? I am sick of guys like you!" I yelled.

"**Jasper, Stop**!" Edward yelled.

"I have stopped! It's her now…" Jasper said in a fearful voice.

"Get a life!" I yelled before sprinting to the elevator.

**Edward POV:**

Bella bolted into the elevator to the next level. There are three levels and more than 2000 shops in the whole shopping centre. How the hell am I going to find her?

"I am so going to kick your ass after we find Bella." I shouted at Jasper.

"I only did it for a minute, man!" He retorted defensively.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took two deep, unnecessary breaths.

"Ok. We will go to the top level where the elevator was heading, you search the left side of the mall and I search the right." I instructed.

"Ok."

"Does your mobile work?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Ok, let's go."

Jasper mockingly saluted me and headed to the left.

I started searching through the mall. I passed about thirteen clothes stores, two electronic superstores, a music store and a book store but still no Bella. Maybe she was looking for Alice in one of the clothes stores? I decided to enter female territory. I looked at the sign which read: Everyday. The shop was full of typical female tops, dresses, skirts, bags and shorts. I stepped inside and immediately felt suspicious. Two women slowly turned in my direction and glared at me. I slowly backed away and went back outside. I felt as if something had changed and then I suddenly noticed that most of the girls had disappeared.

I started to walk a bit more quickly. I went past a sports shop and stopped as I saw the sight. The shop was…_empty._ There were no gangly guys browsing through the weights, no twelve year old kids looking at the soccer balls or basketballs, no gym junkies talking about their abs and no middle-age men looking at the treadmills. In fact, none of the male species were _in _the store. Something is wrong….something is truly wrong.

I cautiously moved through the store until I heard a muffled groan. I moved closer to the sound and stood in a defensive crouch. I opened the staff room door only to find three teenage guys tied up in ropes, faces covered in makeup and nails painted a hot pink.

"Oh my god." I whispered to myself.

I crouched over one of the guys and ripped the tape off from his mouth. He cried out in agony.

"What happened to you?" I said quietly, trying to hide my horror.

"Th-th-the chicks. Th-they went ballistic." He said in a shaky voice.

"What did they do?"

"They de-manatized me." The guy started sobbing.

"Where did they all go?" I asked desperately.

"I don't know…" They guy said.

"Crap…" I whispered

"Can you please untie me?" The guy pointed out.

"Right, yeah. Sorry."

I untied the three guys and helped them up.

"Do you guys have a mobile?" I asked them in a rush.

"Yep." The guys nodded.

"Ok. When I call you, pick it up and meet me where I say, ok? If you want to live to see your grandchildren do what I say. Agree?"

They all nodded seriously. "You are one brave dude, my brother." The guys said with deep honor.

"Ahhhh……right. Just do what I say and everything will be alright." I said before rushing out into the walkway. Most of the guys were gone by now, but there were a few left.

"PSSST! Meet me at no more chips." I whispered really loudly.

It's a good thing that I have learnt how to speak the ancient language of manly men. 'Meet me at no more chips' means meet me at the sports shop.

All the men innocently walked into the sports shop and entered the staff room. They all huddled into the cramped space wearing fearful expressions.

"What is happening? I knew we were going to die the moment we stepped into the shop. I still haven't eaten anything!" Everyone was whispering anxiously.

"Ok everyone, calm down." I tried to say gently.

"Where are all the women? What are they going to do to us??" The volume started to get louder.

"_Have you checked the sports shop?" _

"_Yeah. They were terrified."_

Crap…..the women.

"SHUT UP! THE WOMEN ARE PASSING!" I whisper-yelled.

Silence.

"_Did you hear that, Stacy?" _

"_Hear what?"_

"_Men's voices." _

"_I think you just want to hear those voices so that you can kick their butts, Rach." _

"_Maybe…"_

"_Come on, let's go."_

I heard their footsteps slowly fade away.

"Alright men. I am calling code CPW. For anyone that does not know what that means, CPW stands for 'Crazy PMSing Women.' Problem now is that every female in the shop is going ballistic and for anyone that doesn't know, this can be very dangerous." I explained.

"Ok. Anyone that has a mobile put your hand up." I said.

Thirteen people put their hands up and there were about fifteen people.

"Right. Everyone put their phones on vibrate." The guys from the sports shop instructed. I nodded.

"Everyone must be quiet. You all have to stay here until I call you. Everyone must have a partner that you will stay with. I will find out what is happening. Be safe men." I instructed. They all nodded with solemn faces.

Oh…no. jasper and Emmett.

Crap…

I picked up my mobile and dialed Jasper's number first.

_Ring-ring. Ring-ring._

"Pick up. Pick up."

Ring-ring. Ring-ring.

What happens if they have captured him?

Ring-ring. Ring-RI-"Edward! Women….they have gone MAD!"

Phew.

"I know jasper. Where are you?"

"I'm near the sports shop. It's really freaky, there is _no-one _out here."

"Ok that is fantastic! Ok, I'm in the sports shop. Meet me in there and I will explain what is happening. Hurry UP!" I whisper-yelled into the phone. Five seconds later, Jasper was in the room with us. I don't know what came over me but I went and gave my pretend brother a bone-crushing hug.

"E-Edward? What happened?" Jasper said awkwardly.

The men's eyes were huge. Oh…..God. What did I just do?

"Are you guys….ahhh…._together_?" One of the teenage boys asked.

"NO!" Jasper and I yelled at the same time.

" We're just brothers. That's all." I choked out.

The people relaxed.

"Where is Emmett?" I asked jasper.

"He could be anywhere…." Jasper sighed.

"Crap."

"Yep." Jasper agreed.

"Well we need to find out what is happening. Come on Jasper." I tried to pick up every shred of bravery I had but facing crazy women is just a pure nightmare.

"Farewell, brave men." The group said.

"Until later." Jasper said.

"Let's go."

What did you think? Slightly random but I hope you will like it anyway. Thanks to all reviewers :)


	11. Crazy women part 2

**READ BOTTOM AUTHOURS NOTE-IMPORTANT!!**

_**A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.**_

**Edward POV:**

"So...what are we going to do?" Jasper asked.

"We're going to try to find Bella." I stated.

"So we're just going to pretend that nothing is happening. _Nothing at all_. None of the female population has _taken over_ the shop." Jasper said sarcastically.

"No." I responded lightly.

"You're crazy man." Jasper said sympathetically.

"Now that you have finished insulting my intelligence, can we move it?" I said flatly.

"You have no intelligence for me to insult." He taunted.

I pretended to scrunch my eyebrows in thought. "How does Alice put up with your conceited behavior?"

"Are you challenging my vocabulary? I have been known to be the walkin', talkin' thesaurus." He challenged.

"What_?_ Have you been drinking contaminated blood again?"

"Ooooooh. Not so smart now, are we?" Jasper taunted while poking my arm.

"Jasper……..shut up." I sighed.

"Don't tell me to sh-"I glared at him before he had a chance to finish the sentence.

"Stop fooling around. We need to find the girls." I said before I started to head out of the shop.

"Chicken." Jasper muttered from behind me. I glared at him.

We poked our heads around the corner of the sports shop to check if the coast was clear.

"The plan is to sprint to Wall Mart." I instructed.

"That is the worst plan I have ever heard of! '_Sprint to wall Mart?' _What the _hell?"_ Jasper whispered.

"I really wish I had taken Emmett with me instead of you." I sighed.

Jasper seemed to contemplate something. "Where _is _Emmett?" He asked.

"I….don't…._know."_ I whispered back.

Where the hell was Emmett?

**Emmett POV:**

1 hour.

34 minutes.

28 seconds.

17 milliseconds.

This is how long I have been stuck in here.

Picture poor little Emmett, in his own little world of happiness because of little Chow, minding his own business, just walking past Wall Mart to get to the car so I could go home and play with Chow, when all of a sudden…..I was AMBUSHED!

_Flashback:_

"I can't wait to show you you're Room, Chow! I am so happy you like the Doggy-bone wall paper we got from the hardware shop before!" I said in glee.

"Ruff."

"Are you _sure _you like those dog bowls I got for you? The ones with the racing cars on them?"

"Ruff."

"Are you _sure?"_

"Ruff, Ruff."

"Good." I sighed.

I had gotten all the things I needed for Chow, bowls, food, brush, toys, blankets, books, hair dryer and straighter (for special occasions) and a bed. I looked ahead and saw Wall Mart.

"Hey, I think we should go into Wall Mart just in case we have forgotten anything."

"Ruff."

I looked around and suddenly noticed that the Mall was empty.

"Wow….There must be some party going on around here…"

"Ruff."

"Good point." I must hand it to chow, he is _very _intelligent. Not your average dog.

We were in front of Wall Mart when all of the sudden I felt something jump onto my back and push me to the ground. My body went into defense mode straight away, I tried to jump back up…..but I _couldn't._

"I thought you said you captured him!" A girl's voice said in frustration.

"I thought you meant the one at the food court!" Another voice cried.

"Ladies, please calm down. We have got him now and everything will be alright." That voice is so familiar…..

"Take him to the room." I was then roughly pulled up and was being taken somewhere. I looked over my shoulder…..and the voice was _Rosalie! _

"Rosey baby! Help ME!" I cried. She snorted and turned her back to me!

"WHAT DID I DO?" I yelled.

No answer.

"DON'T OUR WEDDING VOWS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"

Still no answer.

_End of Flashback._

So here I am. I have no idea where I am and for all I know, I can be in freaking Hawaii! Even though this is bad enough, it gets worse….._alot worse._

I'm strapped to a salon seat and being inhumanly tortured.

Actually….that's really funny! '_Inhuman?'_

Get it?

As in I'm not a 'Human'

…..

No one understands me…..

"Are you scared yet?" Is that Alice's Voice?

"As if!" I snorted. Just between me and my head…I was terrified.

"Are you sure?" I could the outline of the possible Alice. She was holding something small in her hands. Someone switched on the light and I discovered I was in a Wall Mart warehouse.

"Bella! Alice! Oh my God! I thought someone was going to come and kill me! Rose went mad! She _put _me in here! Quickly untie me before she comes back!" I cried.

"Where is Edward and Jasper?" Bella said with a stony expression.

"I have no idea!" I retorted.

"Tell us or else." Alice said evenly.

"I. DON'T. KNOW." I shouted.

"Emmett, I am losing my patience. Tell. Us." Bella said quietly.

"Girls, leave this to me." Another girl's voice said.

Oh no.

I suddenly heard a door creak open and out came...Rosalie.

Crap.

"Emmett, Bella needs to know where Edward is. Tell her or you will suffer the consequences." Rosalie instructed.

"I truly have no idea! I was walking to the car, minding my own business when all of a sudden some crazy lady attacked me!" I said in frustration.

"You leave me no choice." Rose sighed.

"ROSE! DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE DON'T THIS!" I pleaded.

She ignored me. Alice picked up her nail polish and started to paint my nails a bright yellow. Rosalie started to put nerdy white socks on my feet and Bella picked up a…….._makeup kit._

"PLEASE! DON'T LET BELLA DO MY MAKEUP!"I screamed.

Bella grinned evilly and started to apply mossy green eye shadow to my eyelids. I was shaking in fear when I realized Rosalie had picked up purple….thongs!

"NO. PLEASE. NOT THONGS OVER SOCKS! THAT'S A NUMBER ONE RULE IN FOOTWARE! I DON'T HAVE WRINKLES YET; THEREFORE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR THONGS AND KNEE-LENGHTH, WHITE SOCKS!" I screamed in pure agony.

I looked over to my nails….which weren't as bad as I thought they would be.

"Hey Alice, that colour really compliments my eyes. Don't you think?" I inquired.

"Well, obviously! I _was _going to choose a baby pink but can you believe they ran out!?" Alice said in annoyance.

"Damn!" I sighed.

"Yeah. I know." Alice sighed as well.

"Alice, no talking to the gay guys!" Bella scolded.

"HEY! I'm not gay! You can probably say that about Edward, but not me!" I exclaimed.

I looked around and a flash of Black and yellow caught my eye. I focused on it only to find it was Chow. In a Bumble bee costume. Oh my God.

"Alice? D-did you really dress Chow up in a bumble bee costume like I said I dreamt of before?" I choked up.

"Oh yeah! Doesn't he look so cute?"

"You _can't _dream" Bella pointed out. I ignored her.

"I am so touched. You are the best, Alice!" I can't believe it! He looks soo cute in it! I just want to eat him up!

"Can I just ask why you have attacked all of the men in the shop?" I asked Bella after a few minutes of silence.

"She is sick of guys." Rosalie snapped.

"But….what does this have to do with anything?"

"She wants to scare Edward." Alice interjected.

"Actually…Jasper was playing with my emotions which made me sort of snap at Edward. Then Rosalie and Alice heard about it and they wanted to start a revolution but I'm not upset anymore. _I _wasn't even upset in the _first_ place!" Bella explained.

"Well…Can you stop now?" I asked innocently.

"No." Rosalie snapped.

"No way." Alice said.

"I just want to go back home." Bella sighed.

"Well…Just make Jasper say sorry." I put in.

Rosalie and Alice seemed to be contemplating what I had just said.

"Fine. Ok." Alice said with a grin.

"Can you please untie me now?" I said after a moment.

"Not yet." Rose said with a grin.

"Damn." I whispered. Rosalie then slapped me across the head.

**Jasper POV:**

We were at the front of Wall Mart and preparing to go in. Edward and I had gone past some shops for weapons and shields against the female species.

"Checklist." I instructed.

"Water gun?" I whispered.

"Check." Edward sighed.

"Fart-bomb?"

"Check."

"Cheap perfume?"

"Check."

"Two dollar shop lipstick?"

"Check. This is so childish." Edward sighed.

"Prepare to enter." I whispered.

"Three. Two. One. Go! Go! Go!"

"Stop being an idiot." Edward whispered.

We dropped to the ground and crawled up to the checkouts. Coast was clear so we rolled rapidly to the first aisle. Storage. We then heard something move.

"Did you hear that?" Edward whispered. I nodded.

"**You can run, but you can't hide…" **A female voice said through the Store speakers.

"Crap. Security cameras." Edward whispered while pointing to a black security camera.

"Sprint to the next aisle. Now!" I instructed.

Edward took a deep breath, stood up, held his water gun in his hands and sprinted.

"EDWARD! WATCH OUT!" I yelled. Women were throwing plastic storage boxes at him from the top of the aisles.

"CRAP!" Edward yelled.

That was when I got attacked by balls. Balls of all kinds. Basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls and footballs. I dodge most balls but tripped over a basketball and fell on my face.

"JASPER!" Edward yelled from the end of the aisle.

"LEAVE ME! SAVE YOURSELF!" I shouted.

"NEVER!"

"GO! NOW!" I bellowed.

Edward saluted me before bolting…………straight into a pole.

Wow. He didn't get very far.

All of a sudden, three female figures towered over me.

"Had enough?" I looked up to see who the voice belonged to. I would have never guessed who it was.

"Alice?" I whispered in astonishment.

"-and Bella and Rose." A familiar voice said.

"Bella? Rosalie?" I whispered.

"You're behind this?" I asked flatly. They nodded.

"You guys are Spaz! What the Hell?" I shouted in frustration.

"This would have never happened if you didn't use your power in the wrong way." Rosalie said flatly.

"Well, _excuse me_ for actually _having _a power to use!" I exclaimed. Rosalie slapped me across the head.

"Say sorry and everything will be ok." Alice said with a smile. I frowned.

Edward had then gotten up and walked across to us. He was facing Bella with a pleading smile.

"Do it." He said through his teeth while still facing Bella.

"Fine. I'm sorry I used my power and caused everyone to hate the opposite sex." I sighed.

"Now give everyone a big hug." Emmett said.

Everyone turned to face him.

"Where did you come from?" Edward asked.

"-and how did you get out of the salon chair?" Alice asked in a surprised tone.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out." Emmett said mysteriously.

"Umm…ok." Edward said awkwardly.

"Anyway, who wants to go home?" Alice said after a moment.

"We all do." I sighed.

Everyone went hand-in-hand with their partner while heading to the car park.

_**A.n- I'm totally stuck for ideas. I don't want this story to become stupid and pointless. Fellow fanfictioners or even readers who just find this story funny, please inspire me with ideas for our favourite Cullen family to follow through. Thank you to all my loyal readers-you guys rock :)**_


	12. Lemons

**A.N- I don't own anything but the silly plot of this particular story. Characters belong to Ms. Meyer.**

I sighed against Edward's chest s as he slowly pulled his fingers through my hair. I felt him smile as he nuzzled my cheek. I had just woken up a few minutes ago and it was just past ten in the morning. "How did you sleep, beautiful?" He whispered. I grinned and arched my back, effectively stretching it. "Well, I slept in an overly large, kinda useless, but comfy all the same bed with my gorgeous boyfriend. Need I say more?" I responded with a yawn. He grinned mischievously. "Gorgeous boyfriend? Don't you mean handsome or charming boyfriend?" As he spoke, I felt his finger trail the length of my arm. Hmmm...He seemed very playful this morning. I swatted his arm away, trying to lean closer to him. "No actually, I believe I _did _mean gorgeous. Why, not a manly enough description for you Mr. Cullen?" I replied, trying to hide my smile.

He sighed dejectedly, sinking into the pillows. "I always knew this is how our relationship would be. I would look after the house while you bring home the money. I guess I just feel that I'm not _respected _in our relationship..." he trailed off dramatically. I stared at him, half in confusion and half in humour. Did he drink contaminated blood or something?

I placed a hand on his forehead, pretending to check his temperature. "I think we need to call Carlisle, you're burning up." I declared in a serious tone. He sighed again and was about to say something before he got interrupted by a distant shout from somewhere in the house.

"Don't worry Bella, he's not dying. He just has blue-balls. Quite common in Nerds, Geeks, Loners and prudes. All you need to do is pull off-"

One word: Emmett. Thankfully he didn't get to finish his sentence, as there was a distance 'wack!' and some scolding from Esme. Edward groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration while I stupidly blushed. Reason #57 that I should become a vampire: blushing is put to an end, closely followed by reason #58: spiders and bees cannot hurt me so I don't need to have a spazz attack each time I'm near one.

My stomach suddenly rumbled and Edward pushed himself off of the bed, stretching his arm towards me to pull me up too. He led me towards the door, but paused before he opened it. "Even though I really don't want to face another day of Emmett and Alice, you're hungry and sadly I don't have a mini fridge installed in my room." He suddenly got a pensive look in his eyes and he smiled. "I should look into that, actually..." He trailed off. I shook my head and pushed him through the threshold.

**Second chair from right. Kitchen table. Kitchen quarters. Cullen household. 45****o ****south east. Forks. Twin city of Spoons. Not actually famous for spoons but for the largest melon in the world. **

"Apple juice or orange juice, Bella?" Esme asked. I smiled. You would think with being a vampire for oh-so-many years, you would completely forget to cook, or would at least be a little worse than the average person, but Esme was the only known exception. Not only was she the best chef I have ever met, but she loved cooking as well. Instead of simply getting take-out or something, Esme would insist on whipping up something extraordinary every meal I had here. I felt bad for making her clean and cook, but I reminded myself that she loved doing it. Apparently she loved to bake when she was human.

"Orange please, Esme. Thank you." She smiled gently as she placed the cup next to me. I had just finished my pancakes and was watching Edward cringe slightly at the orange juice placed right near him. That's one of the main things I'll miss about being human, not being able to eat real food. However, the pros defiantly weigh out the cons.

Carlisle had left for work an hour ago. Jasper was lounging on the couch, reading a new book on the fall of the French revolution. Apparently, he had gotten in a heated argument with someone on about the third main reason it _did _happen. With his personal knowledge and the info he was gathering at a speedy pace, he would have the best comeback in history so far. Rosalie was flipping through the channels of the huge plasma television with a bored expression. Alice was sitting on the carpet, painting her nails. Emmett was...surprisingly quiet. Too quiet, in fact. He was looking at something on the laptop with interest painted on his face. I turned to face Edward, who was idly playing with my fingers. "Does Emmett seem...a little _too _quiet to you?" I whispered right in his ear. Emmett didn't even look up. _Weird. _Edward glanced at him, eyebrows knitting into a frown. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess so. Usually he would be doing _something _that involved noise or embarrassment." Jasper peeked up from his book, quickly glancing at Emmett with confusion. "What are you _doing, Emmett?"_ He questioned. By now, Alice and Rosalie paused their activities, focusing on Emmett.

Emmett distractedly looked away from the screen and shrugged. "Just reading." he responded. This doesn't sound good. Emmett willingly reading? Something must be up. Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, a slightly disgusted look on her face. "Really, Emmett?" Edward suddenly groaned, looking like he wanted to laugh but just couldn't. Jasper closed his book and placed it on the coffee table, eyes slightly wary. "_What _are you reading Emmett?" He asked slowly.

Emmett must've realised that everyone was focused on him now, because he grinned, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Have any of you ever heard of a _lemon?" _ Jasper rolled his eyes. "Yes Emmett, it is a yellow, sour citrus fruit. Why?" Emmett smirked. "No, I know what a lemon is, but do you know what a _lemon _is?" Edward sighed. Emmett grinned like a maniac. "How about you just read it, Jas? I can't exactly explain what it is." Jas shrugged and placed the laptop on his knees. Alice muttered a faint 'ew'.

I looked on curiously as Jasper snorted as he began to read. His expression, however, quickly morphed from humour-filled, to horror stricken. He emitted a whispered 'Oh My God' as he stared at the screen. I turned towards Edward who had a grossed out expression on his face. "What's he reading Edward?" I asked, curiously. Edward stared at me for a moment before sighing. "A lemon. A sexually graphic story written by fans of a certain book, film, TV series etcetera. This particular story was about Harry Potter's own Minevra McGonagall and Poppy Pomfrey. All I can say is the Harry potter series has been ruined beyond repair for me." I stared at him, completely gobsmacked. "Are you serious?" I questioned faintly. My question seemed to wake Jasper up from his trance. He leapt up from the spot on the couch, throwing the laptop towards Emmett who effectively caught it with a self-satisfied grin. Rose's face was screwed up in disgust, while Alice simply ignored her distraught husband. Said husband began to pace the length of the couch, sputtering before he finally burst. "YOU ARE ONE SICK, SICK PERSON. SICK TO YOUR CORE, THAT'S HOW SICK YOU ARE. YOU HAVE NOT ONLY RUINED HARRY POTTER FOR ME, which means you have to pay for the tickets I bought for the new harry potter amusement park, seeing as I cannot go now, BUT YOU HAVE PUT AN IMAGE IN MY HEAD THAT I CANNOT ERASE. WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IMAGE IS, EMMETT?"

Emmett shrugged. "Sure, I love listening to your problems, Jas." Jasper completely ignored the Emmett's comment. "I'M IMAGINING THE TWO WRINKLY, ANCIENT PROFESSORS DOING THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE DONE PAST THE AGE OF 60! YOU WERE READING PORN ABOUT OLD, FICTIONAL PEOPLE!" Emmett grinned. "Kinky." He seemed thoughtful for a moment, before he turned to Rosalie. "Hey babe, how do you feel about Ms. Cope joining in our-"

"OK EMMETT, that's enough. You're making everyone uncomfortable. Including myself." Esme interrupted.

Rose stared at Emmett with a disgusted expression. "Ok, so, we have two options here. First one is that you are truly sick. Second is that you're bored in bed. Seeing as the second one is entirely impossible thanks to your..._creativity, _the first one must be the answer. That's gross, Emmett." Rosalie then stood up and started to walk towards the front door. "I'm going for a drive, bye." Alice jumped up, darted towards me and took my hand, rushing towards the door. "There's a sale going on at this shopping strip. We _have _to check it out. Bye boys!" She excitedly explained. Edward pouted and sadly kissed my cheek. "I'll miss you." He whispered. "I'll miss you too." I replied before Alice tugged on my arm again. "Hurry up, Bella! You have T-minus-2 seconds to get your butt out of this house and into the car." Edward rolled his eyes and pecked me on the lips.

Before I left, I caught a glimpse of Jasper throwing a heavy book at Emmett's head.

***Hides from rotten fruit and smelly shoes being thrown***

**I'm truly sorry I haven't updated for around...a year, but hopefully this will somewhat satisfy your needs! It's just a filler chapter so I can get used to writing this story again. I apologize for the fact that it isn't very funny, and not even a dare, but as I said, it was a filler. More chapters will be written, but the timeline is a bit all over the place. I'm sorry. Life can be annoying sometimes. **

**Anyway, I hope you like it and please review!**

**Oh, and if you have any ideas that you would like to see in this story, PM me or put it in a review!**

**p.- I haven't actually read a lemon, but let's just say I discovered what it was the hard way. Those two sentences have scarred me for life. **


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